Sex—one of life’s greatest pleasures is the type of human intimacy that we so often crave from the person we love or the one that we desire. At the same time, sex can be depicted as animalistic, all consuming and deviant whether it’s portrayed in life or displayed in films, art and music. Like a drug addiction, when a sex addict is in the grips of the disease the secrecy and shame is easily covered up, masked from others and denied to extreme levels. Many argue that sex addiction isn’t a disease, but rather conclude that the individual lacks self-control. But like a drug or alcohol addiction, “hypersexual disorder” has been shown to light up dopamine receptors in the brain when engaging in the act of sex. Knowing the depravities one may go to fulfill their needs, how does a sex addict conduct his or her daily life, while satiating an inner beast that may never be calmed? Here we provide a glimpse into the double life of a sex addict.
In the morning, Anthony wakes up to the sight of his girlfriend Sasha in her tiny studio on a Wednesday morning, curling over and caressing her as she faces the other side of the bed. He held her like a cherished treasure never to be parted with. Finally awake, Sasha begins to laugh recalling how Anthony inappropriately touched her breasts in her sleep.
Startled by the comment, Anthony acts surprised, as if he would never do such a thing. But admittedly, Sasha was turned on by the act and allowed him to touch her breasts because she thought it would lead to sex—the intimacy she longed for. “There’s a reason I paid Dr. Marin to make my breasts so perfect”, Sasha stated. Even in her sleep, Anthony possessed a way to make her feel irresistible and warm all around. With the day ahead of him, Anthony rushed out of bed and made his way to the bathroom, denying Sasha the sexual intimacy she craved.
A bathroom is a sex addict’s sanctuary, a place of solitude where they can do and want as they please in seclusion. Anthony sat down on the toilet to relieve himself, scrolling through his social media feeds, managing his messaging inbox and direct messages on Facebook and Instagram.
His first message of the day came from a girl he went on a date with a day ago on Tinder, the sex addict’s dream app. She is wondering if they can see each other again because their sex was “pure magic,” but instead of politely declining or telling her he has a girlfriend, he blocks her account. As a result, she ends up on his blocked list, hundreds of accounts deep, never to be interacted with again.
In an instant, a text pops up from his wife this time, asking him where he is. He explains that he crashed at his dad’s house and is getting ready for work and tells her not to worry.
Sasha yells out, “What are you doing in there? Why are you taking so long? I have to pee!” He yells back “nothing baby Sasha!” He feels stressed, bombarded with the realities of living a double life, lying through every interaction he makes. He must alleviate this feeling that radiates through his body—he types into his browser pornhub.com, moves the cursor to the “dildo” category, and he begins stroking himself—relieving the pent-up tension.
Once he was done, he hopped into the shower, as if to wash away the sins of the previous day. He wrapped it up with Sasha and was out of the studio, looking clean-shaven in his buttoned up collared shirt, chinos, and dress shoes. He placed his Persol aviators on his low-bridged nose and drove off in his Honda.
Anthony gets to his desk at work and another text appears on his phone, this time from Marie, a girl he dated a couple months before Sasha who had just recently procured a boyfriend.
She texts him, “I miss you” to which he, responds “And I you. Are you doing okay?” “Not really. Call me later”, she says. Anthony tries to mend the former fling and stated, “I may have deleted your number because I was upset you got a boyfriend”. Marie bashfully admitted, “I was kind of a dick when you called me last so I kind of thought so”. He gets off on the attention, knowing that other women who are now “taken” still think about him and want him. This is the momentum he needs to take him through the rest of the day.
Lunch rolls around and as Anthony grabbed a tuna sandwich from the café he realized it was his 8th wedding anniversary. He quickly pulled up a flower arrangement site on his phone and sent a bouquet to his wife with a note reading “You are the prettiest song. The perfect sonnet. The longest novel. You are everything. You and I are going to be alright. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but one day.” He is a man of words, but empty ones at that.
His manipulative nature starts and ends with the written word. He has the ability to move from caring and devoted spouse to spontaneous and romantic boyfriend to a man on the move in heated one-night stands through words alone. The thoughts and words pumping through his veins, give him the energy he needed to finish off the workday—feeling a sigh of relief by being a doting husband and sending his wife flowers on their anniversary. He feels like he must reward himself now and logged onto Tinder ready to swipe away. He then quickly set up a date for the next day.
After work, he headed to the local strip club to continue rewarding himself and pleasuring his primal needs. The girl dancing on him is willing to go all the way, but for a price, which he gladly paid for. After the deed is done, he heads home to take his wife to dinner, ensuring it’s someplace close to Sasha’s. The fact that Sasha could be sitting at this same restaurant get’s him off. The thought of his worlds colliding provides him with enough blood busting adrenaline to get him through dinner.
Once dinner is over, Anthony surprised his wife with a hotel stay at a hip local hotel spot in downtown. His wife is elated with joy, knowing that she finally has a night to spend alone with him—desperate for his love and affection.
Before heading to the hotel, Anthony pulled over to the side of the road and suggested a sexual activity for his wife to partake in. With her permission, he asked her if its okay that they buy a dildo so that she can fuck him with it that night. She’s reluctant and hesitant but ultimately wants to please her husband. With the arousing thought pegged into his mind, he smirks walking into the sex shop on Santa Monica Boulevard and buys a dildo that will satisfy his needs.
As the night unfolded, his wife straps on the dildo and begins to fuck Anthony in the ass. Anthony isn’t a homosexual but in order to cross a new sexual threshold he yearned for the sex to get harder and harder because he couldn’t get off otherwise.
Releasing his sexual power and control for two hours satiated his deep rooted needs to be dominated, taken down and fucked harder than ever. As his wife keeps thrusting, he lays there exhausted from leading his double life—his disease and desire for sex—and as he continues to be fucked, he still holds his wife’s emotions in the palm of his hand.
After they are done, Anthony get’s a phone call. The name “Wyatt” popped up on his screen and he lets it go to voicemail. “Wyatt” calls again only to remain unanswered. The same person continues calling him over and over again. His wife asks who “Wyatt” is, while Anthony responded “Just some loser at work. Let me get this.”
He stepped outside to call “Wyatt” back, fully aware it is actually Sasha. In order to keep the façade going he keeps her true identity hidden by labeling her number as “Wyatt” in his phone—another secret he needed to conceal to keep his wife from suspecting he had been cheating. They talked for a half hour, discussing their day as he paced back and forth atop the Ace Hotel. Once the call ended, he headed back to the room with his wife to assure her and explained that it was a minor work issue that needed to be discussed.
After getting ready for bed, Anthony and his wife wrapped themselves in the covers, hearing his wife discuss how excited she was for the breast augmentation surgery she was about to have in a few weeks with Dr. Marin—the same doctor that had performed a similar surgery on Sasha.
Day in and day out humans display facades—self-created versions of ourselves—to the outer world through the way we talk, dress and act, all in order to be portrayed and accepted by society. For a sex addict, their outer world manifests itself into a deep-rooted underground where deception, perversion and a sex driven alter ego coexist in one self-loathing habitat. The sex addicts that roam this world are not a single person, but multiple and each person they create through sexual endeavors and back door escapades is an inescapable reality they can never erase or scrub off their skin—their living truth is a lie and will always be a lie.